It's Finally Beginning

So after years of choking on music terminology and technical crap, it's starting to fade.  

I mean, it's never going to go away, the theory and knowledge of chord structures and interpolated 2s and minor line cliches and song forms and modes and charts and acoustics.  

HOWEVER, I am finally beginning to listen to music.  New (to me) music.  and enjoy it.  without getting hung up on technicalities.  It's glorious.  

And, I'm refusing, out of respect for my fellow artists, to pirate it.  I'm pretty sure iTunes is loving my patronage right now.  

Albums I Have Recently Purchased

Raphael Saadiq - The Way I See It: Amazing modern neo-motown soul.  Definitely a Detroit throwback.

 

Anthony Hamilton - The Point of It All: True R&B soul, nice thick buttery voice.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog - Soundtrack:  If you aren't familiar, get familiar at www.drhorrible.com

Mark Ronson - Version: London based DJ, covers pop songs in a style that I like to call 'Spy Music'.  Lots of horns..

My Morning Jacket - Z: Psychedelic indie Americana ish rock thing.  It makes me want to lie on the floor in a pitchblack room.  I'm a weird kid.

Kings of Leon - Only By The Night:  Probably the most highly recommended album (from others to me) in a very long time.  It's like Journey had a love child with Radiohead and Jonny Lang.  It's thisclose to being 'mainstream pop music' right now, but whatevs, it's solid music and it's damn catchy.  

all worthy of an open-minded listen.

So, Joyfully, I can't wait to listen to my iPod on my commute!  This hasn't happened for the longest time.  I've been waiting to enjoy music again.

There's Just No Mary This Christmas...

I was very young when I first learned the word 'melancholy' from Disney's 1959 movie Sleeping Beauty. I remember originally associating the word with melons and thus, to a 5 year old, it was happy word.

Well, it's not. And I'm sure one of my parents corrected this thinking pretty immediately. And though it's generally perceived to mean a period of prolonged gloom, it 's extended definition offers a glimmer of light that reads "pensive or soberly thoughtful".

My Grandma Mary passed away this past Sunday. She was a preacher's wife who did not sing alto in the church choir and would answer the door with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. And she would certainly not put down either of these items to hug you. She was quite the character and will be beyond missed.

I don't know if I believe in heaven, per se, but I think that wherever she is now is a joyful place. I'm sure she's reunited with Grandpa Jim (aka Big Jimmy) by now and they are slow dancing to Sinatra in the smoking section. And I certainly believe they are celebrating the holidays and the beautiful family that they had made together and are so proud of.

My colleague also lost someone dear to him earlier this week. We were discussing this dreary weather and the melancholy tone of this holiday season in New England and he turned to me and said "ya know, there's just no 'merry' this Christmas".

And after some sobered thought, I refuse to believe that.

Happy Birthday, Jim!!

So my stepdad wrote me a the following note the other day:

Dear Elin:

You made me cry in church today and you weren't even there. Pastor Dave asked us to share a family Christmas tradition and the first one that came to my mind was our annual shopping trip.

While I was relating the tradition and how we would go to lunch or dinner, pick out gifts for your mother and others I realized how much I miss you. I started to cry in front of everybody and decided I needed to tell you how much those trips meant to me and how much I miss them now.

Not because I now have to fend for myself in picking out a gift for your mother (poor her) but to me those were very special times and I will never forget them.

I have never tried to be your father, even though I have a very strong fondness, love and protective feeling about you, but those hours we spent together, I feel, brought us closer together and developed a very nice and lasting friendship.

I always wanted to have a daughter, but never drew the right card from the deck. But if I ever had a daughter of my own, I would have wanted her to be just like you. Once when you were about 12 or 13, you, your mother and I were somewhere and for some reason you grabbed my hand. It was a wonderful feeling to have you reach out for me and I have never forgotten it.

In our time together here, I hope you know that I never wanted, or tried to replace your Dad – you have a very good Dad (my BFF) – but I did want you always to know you could count on me (and your mother, of course) and that you are always welcome to come home if need be.

When I left home at 17 to join the Navy my parents made it clear I could never come back home to live. I hated that feeling. I want you to always know that you CAN come home and live, if the need ever arose.

Your mother and I are very proud of you and only want the best for you. Making your own way in a big city like Boston is not easy and you should be proud that you have figured out how to do that. Many people couldn't.

We both think it is wonderful you will be in Florida with your family over Christmas and none of this was sent to make you feel badly about not being here this Christmas, just the opposite, I just wanted you to know how special you made a number of Christmases for me.

But we would love to have you come home, even for an extended weekend or longer sometime in the near future. My treat.

Today I decorated both Christmas trees (the Martha Stewart tree and the traditional family tree – my favorite – and all your and John's handmade decorations, the beautiful glass ornament with your name on it and others made me nostalgic all over.

It felt like God was telling me I needed to let you know these things, so that's what I'm doing before going to bed.

Love, Jim

My public response:

Dear Jim,

I didn't even get through the first sentence without folding into a blubbering fool. So I guess we're even in the tear department. I am flattered and honored that the first family tradition that came to mind was our annual shopping trip. I, too, look fondly on these past shopping trips and am a little sad thinking about it now.

I never wanted or needed a second father, nor do I think of you as any sort of replacement. I think of you as a perfect compliment to my dad. You are two very different and whole people with so much to offer me. But having the opportunity to have both of you as an influence on my life has been exceedingly valuable.

So you didn't draw the right card in regards to chromosomes, but you did draw the right card when you picked my mom (or maybe she picked you?). To say that if you had a daughter of your own, you'd want her to be like me is possibly the greatest compliment I have ever received. Honestly, thank you. I hope it's an honor that I do, and can continue to, live up to.

I don't remember grabbing your hand, but I do remember calling you a 'Stooge'. And I certainly remember the lesson that followed.

I've always felt that coming home was an option for me if I needed it. I've always appreciated the 'open home policy'. But I also think that you and my mother know that it's a last resort for me. I don't think everyone in my life understands my inherent independence, but I've always felt supported by you, especially.

I am proud to have survived and created a home for myself here and I'm thankful for your continued faith and support in my decisions to stay here indefinitely. I love Boston. I've lived here a quarter of my life, and while it's not home in the traditional sense, it's home for me, here and now. I'm so happy here and I know that you've seen that in me.

I'm looking forward to Florida, but it was one of the most difficult decisions I've had to make. I do miss you and my mom more than you can possibly know, but I don't express it too much, because then I get super sad and it can get pretty ugly.

So Christmas Schmistmas. It's just another day (it just so happens that family traditionally gathers on this day). And while you'll be celebrating with my mom and probably my brother and his family, I'll be here alone spiking my own egg nog. I'll survive. I might be a bit sad, but I will survive.

Your love for me proves that family extends far beyond blood. I would rather learn this lesson from no one else. Thank you. I love you. Happy birthday!

Love, EP

A Holiday Whodunit?

The other night I had a dream that my face was melting off.  As it turns out, I just had a runny nose that somehow incorporated itself into my REM cycle.  I woke up to stream of liquid snot magma and a throat drier than the Atacama Desert.  And in this moment I came to an eye-opening conclusion:  I am so wearing sweatpants and Uggs to work today. 

Yes, ladies and uh.. germs.  It's the most wonderful time of the year.  Your wallet seems to have a leak, as does your face faucet.  But fear not Viral Foe of mine, I will track down the evildoer who thrust this malady upon me.

Possible Suspects:

My Brother

He's had it out for me for as long as I can remember.  Ripping the heads off of my Barbies, and using them as paintball targets.  Please, I dare you to call it a common sibling rivalry; you'll be next on his To-Torture List.

His Demon Spawn 

Sure, she looks sweet and unassuming, but she also has a knack for touching everything at least twice.  And just think about who her father is.  Exactly.  A torture specialist.  He probably told her to go slobber on her Auntie in exchange for some sort of sugar coma.

Airplanes

Cesspits.  Take 416 people, fill them with airborne viruses and sardine them in a long metal shaft for a few hours.  These viruses are bound to mingle, to search for a warm and unsuspecting body to have a vicious house party in for few days.

I'm not going to place blame.  But I will tell you that I simply adore my niece and brother.  This wretched cold is so absolutely worth the short time I was able to spend with my family over Thanksgiving.  I will take the germs, so long as they were packaged with the wrapping paper of love and a ribbon of hugs.

Love is the culprit.  Case Closed.

I'm not one to bitch and moan but life sucks...

Life's tough, man.  It'll make you crazy. 

And it's something I've been fortunate enough to experience and I'm learning everyday not to take my days for granted.  Lessons in the miracle of new life, the inevitability of death, and the bumpy paths that lead the way are all around me constantly.  

I have been ignoring these lessons.  I have been simply overlooking these brilliant gems of wisdom and inspiration.  I have been a bystander, merely observing the motions.  My ignorance stops here and now. 

No more pity party, Petey.  From now on I will be sucking it up, taking it in and letting it all hang out.  I will be appreciating and savoring these moments, then sharing them here - it's the least I can do in this crazy world.

So I invite you to join me in this trail to sanity.  Join me in searching for the positive, embracing the flaws, learning from the mistakes and taking it one day at a time.  Perhaps you, too, will learn something.